The body is the central figure in the dreaming of the world. There is no dream without it, nor does it exist without the dream in which it acts as if it were a person to be seen and be believed. It takes the central place in every dream, which tells the story of how it was made by other bodies, born into the world outside the body, lives a little while and dies, to be united in the dust with other bodies dying like itself. In the brief time allotted it to live, it seeks for other bodies as its friends and enemies. Its safety is its main concern. Its comfort is its guiding rule. It tries to look for pleasure, and avoid the things that would be hurtful. Above all, it tries to teach itself its pains and joys are different and can be told apart. (T-27.VIII.1)
The Buddha tells a parable of the raft. There is a man who needs to cross a river while he makes his journey in the forest. He gathers branches, logs, twigs and vines and fashions a sturdy raft with them. The raft works very well and he reaches the other shore, he is reluctant to leave the raft behind because it is so well-made and has been such a great help to him.
I have crossed many rivers and made many rafts. Some I have left behind completely. Some I still carry with me. Letting go is something I personally need to deal with as well. I find it ironic that the biggest raft I need to put down right now, is Buddhism itself! Don’t get me wrong, there are universal truths represented in Buddhism, as there are in many other religions, and these will always hold true. However, when it comes to practice, it is best to stick to one raft at a time. ACIM is the best raft I have found. In truth, it is all I need. Choose your own raft. Everybody has their own journey. A caveat though – I don’t think it is fair to describe spiritual progress as completely linear, and there are moments where one has to experiment with different rafts. There is nothing wrong with experimentation. In fact, it is absolutely necessary. What we must be careful of, is excessive spiritual ‘window-shopping’. Progress is made by actually using the rafts, and not by becoming a raft academic, or a raft salesman, knowing everything about each raft but having never actually set foot in one. Don’t be a dabbler. Practice and Discipline are everything.
I was pushed out into the world, at 2:55 am, on the 13th of September 1983, in Kandang Kerbau Hospital, on the sunny island of Singapore. We were a Singaporean-Chinese middle-class family – my father is a sales manager, and my mother was a biology teacher. I was the younger of two sons, my brother being 3 years older. We lived on the top floor of a high-rise estate in a breezy coastal area of Singapore – which interestingly was just below a lighthouse! (I have never been inside it. I will someday). My early childhood was a happy one: there was always food on the table, much time playing at the beach, occasional overseas trips in Asia. My parents loved us both very much. I loved reading – in fact, my earliest memory was having read a book cover-to-cover for the very first time. I think I was 3 or 4 years old. It was an incredible sense of accomplishment! I lapped up Enid Blyton and Sesame Street. I liked math and science, probably due to my mother’s influence, which served me well at school. The Singaporean education system is an endless parade of books, exams, continuous grading and streaming. Reflective of Singaporean society, it is a very ‘left-brained’ affair. I do have my criticisms of it, however, there is no denying that it is world-class. I am incredibly blessed to have gone through it. I was a good student, although I never won any prizes.
Me & Mum
Christianity – until 10 years old
My family went to Church on Sundays, because of my father. I have some uncles and aunts who are ‘devout’ Christians and my father was ‘coverted’ due to their influence. My mother has never been very religious. From the sketchy memories that I have of going to Sunday School, I remember it being boring. It amazed me that some of my peers were able to recite long passages from the Bible during Bible quizzes. Most importantly, the ideas that were being presented struck me as contradictory – eg. Why would a loving God create suffering? The God that was being presented was a fickle fellow – he was supposedly all-loving and benevolent, until you did something he didn’t like and then you suffered eternal damnation! Was this Jesus guy a man or a God? The ideas of sin and hell never sat well or made sense to me.
A turning point came when one day my Sunday school teacher asked me to stay back after class. (I was about 10 years old). She sat me down and out came a little colored sheet of paper. It was a contract. She told me that I had a choice to go further in my salvation and I could dedicate my life to Jesus. All I needed to do was to say yes and sign on the dotted line. (I am not making this up!!!) In retrospect, my Sunday School teacher probably didn’t realise how pressurising the situation was for me, but at that point, all I wanted to do was to get out of that place. To placate her, I said yes and signed. She said from that day onwards, it was my second birthday. (I can’t remember which day it was). I never went back to Church after that, no matter how hard my parents tried to drag me. My Sunday School teacher called a couple of times. I could watch cartoons on Sundays mornings now, hurrah! My mother and brother stopped going not long after I refused to go. (I’m a trendsetter that way )
Atheism - 10 to 12 years old
Although I had left the Church, my curiosity was piqued now – ‘What is Truth?’ ‘What is the meaning to all of this?’ That experience caused me to swing the complete other way round. If Christianity was not for me, then surely the anti-thesis of Christianity must be true! I discovered Atheism. God and Religion was irrational! Surely, belief in an omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being whom no-one had ever seen was as illogical as believing in little invisible martian unicorns. Faith and Prayer were ridiculous concepts, ungrounded in the irrefutability of science and logic! I read books on Atheism, arming myself with concepts. (I never got very far with those). I was a fervent God-denying, cynical, pissed off 11 year old. I only saw everything that was bad with Religion. The evangelising. The guilt tripping. The divisions between people of different beliefs. Those loony people!
Agnosticism – 12 to 14 years old
At this time, my brother was into a lot of ‘new age’ and ‘esoteric’ material, and I often sneaked into his room to read these books. It was fascinating. It was a world of astral projection, psychic abilities, chakras, magic powers of crystals, reincarnation, spirits. These people seemed wacko too, but in a different way. There was a form and method to their madness, ‘pseudo-science’ if you will. I remained extremely sceptical. I read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. It was an enthralling read. Suddenly this ‘God’ didn’t seem so bad after all. God didn’t create suffering, humans do! There was something that stirred in me. The belief in non-God was as ridiculous as the belief in God. I loosened up. I decided to call myself an Agnostic. It seemed like the truest thing one could say: ‘I don’t know if God exists, but if you prove it to me, I might believe in it’ (This is probably what some might call Weak Agnosticism)
Parallel to this was my interest in personal development. I read ‘Being Happy’ by Andrew Matthews. I discovered an ancient copy of ‘Think and Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill in my father’s closet. I encountered the Silva Mind Method and visualisation. NLP. Speed reading. There was something incredibly empowering in these books – the vision of the human having unlimited potential. The next phase of my life would be shaped tremendously by these concepts…
Ken -
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